Random Thoughts of Reality

I am not one to write all of the raw emotions that life can throw my way.   My blogging and journals are to remind me of the blessings that fill my life. However, in the past couple of years I have learned that many blessing do and can come from the darkest times of our lives. That realization in itself was a huge blessing to me and I hold it so close to my heart at times of adversity. It is the hope that I can look back upon and realize that God is with me (us) all of the time, it is tangible and it is what gets me through those moments when I feel alone and scared and filled with anxiety.

Unfortunately I am at one of those crossroads.  The journey deepens and it seems we are about to enter into the ‘tunnel of unknown’.  The place where I covet your prayers that can provide the light to guide me out safely.

I pray that I will not bore  you with the not so glimmering parts of our life, this is real life, real fears, real emotions.  I am thankful for God, my family, my friends.  We cannot do this stuff alone, I have learned that leaning on those dear to me lifts me up and can provide the encouragement needed to keep the darkness manageable.

What’s going on?  Well, I will share all that I know at this point.

Late last year my dear husband finally went to the doctor for a pain he has been having for a long time.  After several tests and scans and more tests and scans, they are fairly certain my dear Kip has Sarcoidosis.  His Pulmonologist has been treating him with steroids and we go back in on Monday for another CAT scan to see if the granuloma’s have decreased in size and numbers.  In the meantime blood tests have come back that have indicated other auto-immune diseases but we are to find about more about those in August when Kip sees a Rheumatologist.

After finding out about the Sarcoid, and dealing with that, the pain symptoms had been put on the back burner.  Until a few weeks ago when Kip went to his primary doc and then referred him to a nerve doctor, whom we saw today.  She pretty much thinks his pain is nerve related but needs for Kip to have an MRI to get better pictures of his spine and the nerves.  I am praying (we would welcome you to join us) that it is the best case situation with the nerves.  After lots of research and in talking with the doctors it is very likely that Kip could have Neuro Sarcoidosis.   Which is a more invasive and serious type of sarcoidosis that can move into the brain and other organs – hence the lungs.

As a wife, mother and woman  you can imagine the tailspin I took this morning when we connected all of the dots.  Father, God I need you.  I need you for strength and understanding of all of this.

To go through a rough year and a half with my mom in and out of surgeries and hospitals to move on to my husband who is so young, full of life and vibrant, has really changed my life.  It is so hard to watch the people that you love suffer and endure such a journey.

Clearly most of those changes in life are positive and great.  I cling each day to the blessings of life and to the creator who gave me this life.   I surround myself with people who bring joy, love and encouragement naturally. I love being around selfless, genuine, spirit filled people.

If you have read this long post and are still with me, thank you so much for being part of my life, dirty rags and all.   Pray for my precious husband and that we will get good news and not the dreaded news we are expecting.  Pray for me to surrender my fear and live each day in faith.